


I never cry

by damn_applejuice



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Djinnverse (Supernatural), Fluff, M/M, Smut, Tags May Change
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-09
Updated: 2015-10-20
Packaged: 2018-04-03 16:48:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 14,187
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4108006
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/damn_applejuice/pseuds/damn_applejuice
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Dean gets attacked by a Djinn, he gets into his perfect world. <br/>Destiel, long story. There's more to it but I don't want to spoiler.<br/>Disclaimer; I do not own the artwork or any of the characters, except for Darcy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> First long Destiel fanfiction, work in progress, if you have any questions or so just tell me (; enjoy reading.

Driving makes a man tired, Dean thought as he sank down on the bed. He had driven for hours, with Sam next to him. They sometimes talked, joked around, or listened to terrible music on the radio. This made the drive less long, but you could still feel it in your legs. A groan escaped from his throat as he stretched out.

"Hey Dean," Sam said loudly from the kitchen. "Beer?"

"Oh god yes." He pleaded. "You're a life safer." He heard a soft chuckle as a response.

A few minutes later, Sam handed him the cold beer, and he grumbled a "thanks" with the bottle already against his lips.

"So," Sam said and he sat down on the bed. "We're thinking about- a djinn?"

"Afraid so. People die, or end up in a coma, with lots of blood loss, as the papers say. And there's this thing about an old ruin at the end of the town." He took large swigs from his beer. A silence fell, peaceful, while they both were lost in their own thoughts.

"So we're gonna get some hours of rest and then we go find the ruin?" Sam mooted.

"Sounds like a plan, Sammy."

 

Sam's snoring was soft and calming, but Dean wasn't asleep just yet. He sat on his bed, legs folded, hands clasped as one. He did this every night, even though he knew there was no use. Nothing happened, but it was calming and making him feel at peace.

" _Dear Castiel,_ " he started his prayer. " _So, there is not much to say to you, but I am praying to you because,_ " he hesitated, " _I have no idea where the hell you are, and I want you to be okay. We would- I would be very glad to hear something from you, so if you can find a possibility… Maybe even show up, would be great. Tomorrow we're hunting a djinn, so I'll need my four hours_ " Should he say more? Where the hell are you, dude? Get your ass here, we're worried sick because we haven’t seen you in months? He sighed. " _Sleep well, Cas._ "

 

"Sammy?"

"Dean s'okay, I'm here."

"I've got blood. Enough to satisfy three vamps."

Sam walked in, the old dusty floor creaking underneath his huge feet.

"Wow. What ya thinking? Family reunion of djinns?"

"Seems legit," Dean sighed, kneeling down at the dried blood, "I'm sure this is where they brought the dead bodies that were never found."

Sam walked around the decayed room.

"Where do you think they are now? The bodies, I mean."

"Honestly, I don't wanna know," Dean got up from his kneeling position and brushed the dust from his jeans, "I do wanna know where those sons of bitches are now and who's their next vi-"

A loud _crash_ from downstairs.

"Did you hear that?" Sam breathed.

"Duh, follow me." 

They made their way downstairs, quiet but fast. Dean grabbed his gun. He knew it was stupid, because if this  _was_ a Djinn, the gun wouldn't be useful, but he still wanted to hold it. As soon as they got down the stairs, Dean turned around to see if his brother was still with him. Sammy nodded silently. Dean's heart was pushing against his throat, adrenaline rushing through his entire body.  
They took a few more steps, and slowly pushed the door open to reveal the room behind it. Everything happened in a flash. A snarl, low and loud, Dean felt cold, dirty hands around his throat and he was thrown back against the wall. As soon as his head hit the stone he saw nothing more than darkness, but he could still hear Sam screaming his name, and he wanted to scream back, but all he could get out was a grunt of pain. The hands around his throat were very strong, nails pressing painfully against his skin, and he tried to fight it off. _He needed to be there. For Sammy._ But his attacker was too strong. He smelled a terrible breath, his closed eyelids flashed a weird tone of orange and red, and then everything disappeared.

 

Suddenly he was standing outside a house. It was a beautiful, cosy looking building and somehow Dean's inner started to burn when he saw it. He looked around, his eyes scanning the street which was covered in snow. No attacker, no ruin. No Sammy. He noticed that he was wearing thick, leather gloves, a dark red scarf around his neck and when he touched his head, he felt a cap, or something in that style. The snow was falling steadily around him, quietly covering everything in more white powder. Dean saw his own breath disappearing in the cold air. Perhaps he was standing there for a few seconds, but they felt like minutes, hours, before he decided that he had to do something. Right in front of him there was the friendly looking house; somebody was in there, because behind some windows, Dean could see the soft glow of lights. At least he wasn't all alone, and he could ask these people where he was.  
He pushed his hands into his pockets and started walking the path that lead through the house, being careful not to slip. And then, even though it was dark, he saw something on his right side. A car, also covered in snow, but it was easy to see that it was a black car. A gasp escaped from his mouth as he recognised. _Four door, 1967' Chevrolet Impala._ His car. Or at least, the same as his. He forgot his manners because he _just had to see the car_ and he scuffled his way through the thick layer of snow, creating dirty footsteps in the glistening white.  
Dean touched the roof of the car. He wiped away the snow, even though he didn't know why exactly. He swept the window clean as well, put his hand above his eyes and tried to look inside. At first, he didn't see much. Just black. But then he started to see the chairs, the wheel, and on the backseat… a blanket, huge and plaid, and he knew for sure that that was _his_ blanket, the one Sammy had given him when they were younger so that they could picnic once in summer. But if that was his blanket- than this was his car. And if his car was here… He belonged here, in some way. This house was somehow related to him. He stepped away from the- _his_ car, and continued his path towards the front door.

Dean hesitated. His hand raised to the bell next to the door. The leather around his hand creaked softly when he stretched his index finger. But he pulled back, because he had felt something inside his pocket. Keys. He pulled them out and tried to discover the shape. There were three keys. One was definitely the Impala's, and the other two were normal looking keys. He grabbed one and tried to put it into the front door's lock. It stuck halfway through. Dean pulled it out and grabbed the other one. He slid it into the keyhole and- it fit. He inhaled a sharp breath without knowing, took the doorknob and silently opened the door.  
While he tried to stay silent he stepped in. But Dean Winchester couldn't be silent. He breathed too audible, his feet moved too much, the keys tinkled too loud. The confused, in snow covered Dean was eyeing the hall he was seeing. It looked very nice, friendly, welcoming. He was observing the clean looking hall. There was an open staircase on the left, and against the wall under the stairs was a bookcase, of which Dean could only see the side. On the floor lay a carpet, and on the wall across from the hall was a door. And behind that door, he heard a familiar voice.

"Is that you, Dean?"

His breath stuck in his throat and he felt his heartbeat get faster. Was that-? He heard footsteps and then someone walked through the door.

"C-cas?"

"Dean!" It took Dean some time to get what he was seeing. Castiel, the angel, with his dark messy hair, and the blue eyes. But his clothes were different, no trenchcoat, no black jeans. Nothing of that. He was wearing torn up jeans and an oversized sweater with AC/DC written on it. Cas wasn't staring at him, like Dean was at Cas, but he hurried over to him and before Dean knew what was happening Cas had thrown his arms around his neck and hugged him tightly. He immediately responded to the hug, holding Castiel close in his embrace. When he let go, Cas was looking at him with this new look in his blue eyes that Dean had never seen before. Or maybe, he had seen it, _flashes of it_. Every time Dean had said something nice to Castiel, or put his hand on his shoulders, or gave him a smirk or wink. But that shine, that he had only seen in milliseconds, was drenched into the blue now.  
Suddenly, before he had got a chance to say something, Cas leant forward, shut his eyes close and _kissed Dean on his mouth_. It wasn't an awkward peck, but it was passionate and soft. Abruptly, his stomach was filled with thousands and thousands of butterflies, while his throat was on fire, and he didn't know how his lungs functioned or what to do with them. Castiel let go, even though Dean hadn't moved. Then, the blue-eyed man in front of him gave him a wide smile.

"You're home early."

 

 

It took Dean a moment to adjust. There was a storm inside his head, chaos, questions stumbling over each other, trying to be the first. _Home?_   So this house- was his home. And Cas'. He and Cas- they were, apparently, living together. _Were they a couple?_ The way Cas had kissed him and that shimmer in his eyes, that smile he was giving him. He realised he was staring at Cas and how weird it must seem, but he had no idea what to say. So he bent over and Castiel hummed approvingly when their lips touched again. He felt Cas' fingers curl into his hair and a shot of excitement got him when Cas ran his tongue against his lips. He opened his mouth, still dazzled by what was happening, but he knew he should not hesitate or act weird. Castiel moaned into Dean's mouth, sliding his tongue over Dean's, creating a shudder on his back he had never experienced before.

"Hm," Cas hummed, "missed you…" He grabbed Dean's hands and grabbed his gloves. "Why didn't you tell me you were coming home, I could've picked you up at the airport." He whispered against Dean's lips and then his brows knitted. "How did you come here anyway?"

"I uh-" Dean mumbled, "grabbed a taxi."

"You're unbelievable. I'm glad you're back." Castiel took Deans scarf and cap, and now Dean saw that they were the same dark red, matching.

"You hungry?" Cas was helping him out of his jacket.

"Nah."

"Good-" Cas cut himself off by kissing Dean again, now with more pressure. _What am I doing,_ Dean's head pounded, _Dean what the hell._ But at the same moment his heart was exploding. _Jesus Christ, Cas is kissing me and he is good as hell, that tongue. O my god_ … Of course he knew what was happening; the Djinn. But he also understood why this was a part of his biggest wish. Because this was  _so great_.  
Cas was leading him to the door on the right, he didn't stop kissing him, and they entered the bedroom. "Dean, you're tense," Cas whispered lovely, "just relax. You're home, and I missed you, and all I want right now is _you_." The soft fingers of the angel travelled along Dean's chest, and suddenly he was unbuttoning the shirt, hungrily kissing Dean again. And then, Dean gave in. He moaned, forced his tongue into Cas' mouth. He threw his shirt away, grabbed Cas' oversized sweater that was _definitely property of Dean's_ , and tossed it off. He desperately started to unbuckle Cas' belt with a loud groan of the angel's name.

Castiel's hands were on Dean's bare chest, and he was pushed on the perfectly made bed. The sheets moved and creased underneath them, but they didn't care. Cas was on top of Dean and he was pushing his jeans off, and then he rubbed his slightly stretching boxers against Dean's pants, making him moan softly. They kissed like they had done this so many times, and in some way they had, just not that Dean remembered, and he didn't care that all this was not true, because it felt true, and he couldn't resist those beautiful blue eyes. Cas was grinding upon him, making Dean whimper into their play of tongues and mouths. Then he felt Cas' hands on his hips, soft fingers touching so gently and sweet. They crept under his jeans, rubbed the now growing bulge, and Cas grinned softly as Dean moaned uncontrollably.

"Please," he moaned, "Cas _fuck_ -" He felt Cas' hands opening his jeans and pushing it off with some sort of hunger in his eyes.

" _Oh Dean_ , I missed you… Three weeks- so long…" Dean's mind flashed back to the world in which he hadn't seen this angel _for over months._ He didn't want to say anything about it because Cas was desperately trying to pull off Dean's jeans and he needed help with that. After a few flashes of heat, kisses and hands all over each other, they were both completely naked. Dean couldn't help but let his eyes ran all over the angel's body.

" _Holy shit_ , Cas-" he licked his lips, forming a grin.

"You missed me, didn't you?" He said and he let their foreheads touch. Dean looked into the blue eyes, and quietly pecked the chapped, pink lips.

"Yes."

Cas hummed with a smile and dragged his mouth along Dean's mouth, scraping against his stubble and then he was sucking Dean's skin. Dean noticed that Cas knew him, he knew the spots that were sensitive, he knew how to turn Dean on. _And how he knew._ He was nibbling onto Dean's earlobe, then kissing his neck, playfully biting and gently sucking the skin he just bit on. Dean groaned, pushing his head back into the pillow. Cas pushed his hips down and Dean whimpered loudly when their cocks touched.

"Christ, Cas-" Never in his life he had experienced something alike. Maybe it was because of Cas, because it was him who was slowly grinding upon him. Maybe it was because of his blue eyes, which were filled with lust, pupils enlarged. Or how he kissed Dean open-mouthed, wet and messy, while whispering Dean's name into his skin. But it was perfect and Dean had lost track of place and time. All that mattered was Cas, his black hair stuck to his forehead by the sweat that was also beading along his slender shoulders. Dean kissed Cas' stubbly cheek and then his neck. He felt the raging heartbeat pumping underneath Cas' skin and smiled satisfied when the angel moaned.

"Dean- please, I…"

"Yeah, tell me, Cas-" he uttered, "what do you want?"

" _Touch me_ , you ass."

Dean smirked and let his hand move down over Cas' chest. This was all he needed right now, he ran his fingers over Cas' length, and he saw the blue eyes widen with pleasure. He knew what he had to do, what he liked himself, and he kept looking at Cas' face as he stroked him, finding a rhythm Cas seemed to love. The angel was shuddering and Dean _loved._ The butterflies that had been in his stomach before, were back, and they were flying around in chaos. He felt his own heartbeat in his throat. They kissed, and then Castiel's hand was touching Dean's cock, and he couldn't hold back the whines that he breathed against his lover's mouth. Dean pressed his body closer to Cas, fast fingers dragging over Cas' throbbing erection.

"D-Dean… I, please, _I can't hold_ -"

"It's okay, Cas," he managed, "look at me."

The angel let out a sharp breath, opened his blue eyes and stared at Dean. They locked their glance. Cas groaned, arching his back as he came. He was not losing the eye contact with Dean. He was shuddering and he collapsed onto Dean, pressing their lips together, and after another stroke of Cas' trembling fingers Dean was sobbing the angel's name over and over, while his vision went a little black and blurry around the corners. His body relaxed, and Cas' fingers disappeared. 

He couldn't remember the last time he had experienced anything like this, and it probably had never happened before. They laid like that for a while, on top of each other, sticky and sweaty, but Cas slowly rolled next to him.

"Dean?" the low voice asked after a minute of no speaking.

"Hm…"

"I love you, sweetheart. I'm glad your back." Suddenly he felt Cas' fingers touching his hand and he let their fingers intertwine. _What do I say now?_   Dean thought. He actually had no idea, but Cas was looking at him so hopeful, that he couldn't ignore what he had said.

"I love you too, baby." He breathed back, and somehow, lying like this was much more intimate than anything they had done, and he felt the butterflies again.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed the first chapter, there's more coming soon. I'll update as soon as possible.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter quite fast, I'm afraid next one won't be there so soon, though. Please enjoy, it's kinda fluffy but- oh well.

"Dean."

He grumbled but didn't respond.

"Dean come on." The voice was far away, because Dean was still drifting between sleep and waking up.

"Hmpf- Cas, wh'zzup?" he slurred.

He felt the chapped, but also soft lips brush against his temple and he smiled.

"Made you coffee, y'know." And indeed, when he sniffed, the smell of fresh, strong coffee made his nose wrinkle and his smile grow wider.

"Cas, man, you're great."

He heard a low chuckle, felt the soft lips again but now on his mouth. He pulled Cas deeper into the kiss, still with closed eyes, smiling softly.

"Get up, then you'll get it," he heard and Cas was gone.

Five minutes later he walked into the kitchen, a miracle he had found it immediately, where Cas was sitting at a beautiful kitchen table, decorated with a few candles, and Dean could imagine them burning at night, or at some romantic candlelit dinner, something that didn't even seem so chick-flick when it would be with Cas. Some newspapers were piled up, together with a few magazines, but it wasn't messy; it created a cosy feeling.

"Morning, sunshine." Castiel smiled at him.

"Morning, Cas." He answered. Cas nodded at the cup of coffee on the table and Dean grabbed it. "Thanks." He took a sip but before he could say anything else, he heard a bark. Loud and clear, coming from the hallway. He turned his head and a dog came running in. He, or she, was barking loudly and started to jump against his leg immediately.

"Hey, Darcy! Darcy calm down, it's just Dean!" Cas said. Dean put his coffee down and stroked the dog's head, waggling his tail and barking with excitement. "He missed you too."

"Yeah, I see-" Dean kneeled down and let the dog lick his face and hands. "Missed you too, eh- Darcy."

"It's weird he didn't hear you yesterday. Maybe he was asleep." Dean was still running his hands through the dog's hair. Darcy, he thought. He had to remind that name. What kind of dog would it be? Dean wasn't the biggest dog-expert in the universe; he loved dogs with a little bit messy hair, like this one, and big, but not too big. This one was perfect. Maybe he could find out what kind of dog it was. He was overall white, but with colours randomly mixed, as if someone had thrown paint on him. The black and orangey-brown spots were somehow smudged out over his body. The ears were black but with white coming through on some places, and Darcy's face was a mixed colour of white and light brown. Dean looked into the eyes of the dog. One eye was blue, exactly the same colour as Cas' eyes, and the other eye was brown, or more golden. It was beautiful, Dean thought, two different eyes.

"He's got your eye," he said with a smirk and he heard Cas chuckle.

"How many times did you say that again? I should start keeping it up." Darcy was done cleaning Dean's face and he made his way to the manger. Dean got up and sank down on the chair next to Cas, who's hand ran over Dean's leg as soon as he sat down. Cas would probably do this more often, but Dean felt this for the first time. It created goose bumps on his leg and he shared a quick look with Cas, who looked at him smiling.

"I'm glad you're back. Join me walking Darcy?"

"Sure. Can we first eat?"

"You never change. Fine. You go eat first."

 

 

The snow was glistening in the sun, but the air was still so cold that nothing was melting. They were both wrapped up in thick coats, Dean was wearing his scarf, cap and gloves again. He had tried not to show how much he loved Cas this way, wearing a long black winter coat and a blue scarf.

"Don't you need to wear a cap?" Dean had asked and Castiel had given him a look.

"You know I don't like the feeling of something on my head," he had answered.

They made their way through the snow. Darcy was rampageous and rolled around in the snow, barked at birds and ran around Dean and Cas. Around them were houses, but they were good looking and big. Behind some windows Dean could see Christmas trees, and he wondered when it would be Christmas, or if that had already passed.

"Oh, Dean, by the way, tomorrow I was going to celebrate an early Christmas with the whole group. They don't know you're back, but you're just coming along. I do think you have to call Sam first so he knows there's one more guest." Sam. Dean swallowed. He thought back at the first time he had been in a world created by his own wishes, and he wondered how his relationship with his brother would be here.

"The whole group?" was all he asked.

"Oh, y'know, just you, me, Sam, Jess, Bobby, your parents, just- everyone." Dean froze. Jess. _Bobby. Parents. Mom. Dad._ He gulped and stared at Cas, who looked back at him with a deep frown.

"Something wrong?" he asked with concern.

"No. No, no, Cas, just- whatever. I'll ehm… I'll give Sam a call."

"Good, I'm sure they'd love to see you."

 _At least his relationship with them was okay,_ but it still felt weird thinking that he would see, hug, and talk to all those people tomorrow. He spend the rest of the day doing 'normal' things, but it felt so good. He told himself it was okay to touch Cas sometimes, kiss him, wrap his arm around his waist, because that's what couples do.

He called Sam in the evening.

"Sam Winchester."

"Hey Sammy, it's me."

"Dean!" He could hear Sam smile, and it somehow made him smile too. "Good to hear from you man, how're you doing?"

Dean looked around him.

Cas was on the floor, playing with Darcy, and his face was decorated with a huge smile that created wrinkles around his eyes and mouth.

"I'm doing perfect," he smiled. "You?"

"Couldn't be better."

"That's good to hear, Sammy. Hey, I eh- I got home a week earlier and Cas told me that you were celebrating Christmas tomorrow. Mind if I join?"

"I'd mind if you didn't! You know how much I hated celebrating without my brother. Hold on." He heard how Sammy said something to someone else who was with him. Then he returned to the phone. "Jess says it's okay and she's looking forward to seeing you."

"Looking forward to see you all too." Dean answered and he had never been more right.

 

The snow crunched underneath the tires of the Impala. Cas stopped the car with care. Dean had said to him he could drive, because how did he have to explain that he had no idea where he should be going? He found out Sam wasn't living that far away from them, just half an hour through the snow; so in summer it would be a shorter trip.   
Dean felt his heart beating rapidly; he knew that he could be making mistakes, that he would be screwed if people started to talk about earlier. He imagined someone asking 'oh do you remember when…' and he would sit there dumbfounded, stuttering something and making himself awkward. So he decided that he would try to bluff through, ask Cas, and if he got the chance he would ask safer questions. They stepped out of the car and Cas hurried over to Dean, intertwining his arm with Dean's, so that they were walking close. Dean was taller than the angel, so he looked down just a little bit and gave him a smile. Before they reached the door, it was already pulled open by Sam. Dean hadn't seen him so happy and healthy in years. His smile was wide and made his face light up as his eyes found Dean's.   
"Dean! Cas!"  
"Sammy!" Dean let go of Cas reluctantly, but he was happy to hug his taller brother tightly. "Good to see you, dude."   
"You too, man." Sam patted him on his back and let him go, hugging Castiel as well. It was quite funny to see their height difference and Dean couldn't held back a smile.  
"You're so mean, sometimes." Cas said when he saw Dean grinning and he let go of Sam. A beautiful, blonde woman entered the hallway and Dean realised it was Jess. He felt weird, hugging her as if he had known her for years. She told him she was glad that he was back already and that she had been sorry to do the party without him. He just nodded and said he was happy to be here too. He tried to hide his curiosity about the house while he put off his jacket and scarf.  
"Come on in," Jess told them and they made their way into the living room. It smelled lovely and Dean inhaled.   
"That smells so good," he sighed with a grin.  
"Hey!" he heard a familiar, feminine voice. Ellen got up from the couch and kissed him three times on his cheeks. It was so difficult to not hug her too tightly. Now he saw her strong body and her friendly face he knew how much he had missed her. He looked at her kissing Cas as if it was happening in a dream and he wasn't there. But he was, and he saw two more people on the couch. One of them made him freeze, and his hands started to tremble. She was young, around 17 years old, and she was beautiful. She saw him and smiled widely.  
"Dean!" She left the couch as fast as her mom had done and walked over to him. She held out a fist and for a moment he didn’t understand, but then realised. He made a fist and pressed it against hers.  
"Hey Jo." He had to hold back, he had to hold back. He bit his lip, but the young girl didn’t see.   
"Cassie!" she hold out her fist to him as well, but Cas frowned.   
"Ehm-" he raised his fist a little questioning and Dean smiled when he saw Cas blinking a few times as Jo bumped her fist against his.

The bell rang, and Jess went to open the door. They heard a male voice, and Dean knew who it was in a split second. Before he could prepare, a healthy, still kinda dirty looking Ash came walking in with a huge smile across his face.   
"Hello everyone!" he said happily and he spread his arms, "Dean-o!" He slammed his hand into Dean's, shaking it firmly. Dean smiled back. While Ash was greeting Cas, Dean vaguely heard something about Ash' new piercing, but his mind wasn't there. It was at the three people that had entered behind Ash. At first, he saw Mary. She was beautiful, her blonde hair in loose curls around her face, and Dean felt tears welling up in his eyes that he just couldn't hold back. He blinked hastily, he wanted to see her. His mom was talking with Jess and her face was full of love. Dean's gaze caught the man behind her. John was smiling. Something Dean could barely remember. A real smile, including the eyes. This was the father he had loved, he had looked up to. His hand was wrapped around Mary's waist, and he was looking at her; eyes filled with nothing more than love. Dean tried to swallow, but he wasn't able to. His parents. Together, happy, alive. He wanted to run to them, throw his arms around them and never let go, but he held himself. Instead, he looked at the man behind the couple. Bobby was better looking than ever. He was wiping the snow from his cap, his face calm and peaceful. He looked up and saw Dean watching. He smiled and waved, and Dean waved back; trembling, and his eyes filled with tears, but Bobby couldn't see that. As the three of them walked into the living room, Dean forgot the other people. When his mom took him in her arms, he held her close, buried his face into her neck and smelled her perfume he hadn't smelled for years.   
  
"Hey Dean, love, how are you?" she asked so friendly he would've cried right there if he hadn't held himself back.   
"Great, mom," he whispered shakily. He let her go and he hugged his father, much more masculine, patting each other's back, but this hug meant more to Dean than he could have imagined.   
Then he was hugging Bobby. He still smelled like alcohol and gasoline, but his grumpy voice sounded younger.  
Finally he let him go.   
  
"Hey, Castiel." Mary put her arms around Cas and pulled him close into a motherly hug. Dean could only watch. After Bobby and John had greeted Cas as well, they went to greet the others, but Mary stayed at Dean and Cas.   
"So, how are you doing, boys?" she asked with a smile.  
"Better than ever." Dean felt Cas' arm around his waist. He automatically pulled him close. They shared a glance, and just for a moment Dean forgot that people were looking at them, because Castiel was smiling at him and he smiled back. "Can't imagine anyone better than Dean, Mary." Castiel couldn't resist to smile at her.   
"Cas-" Dean began, "he's so good to me, I can't even believe."  
Cas put his head on Dean's shoulder. Dean felt his heart speed up. His mom's smile was wide.   
  


In some way, Dean was getting used to everyone. His heart still made weird jumps whenever he saw his parents, but he remained calm. It was as if they had never left. Everybody was walking around, sitting somewhere, talking, drinking and having fun. Dean sat on a couch, beer in his hand, and he was talking with Sam and Bobby. Cas was sitting next to him. He only listened but didn't interfere. It was obvious that the angel was different when they were at home.  
Two more people had entered, and they had been the last. It had made Dean's heart light up when he recognized Charlie. Her red curls covered with snow were dancing around her face when she tried to catch her beanie, which was stolen by Garth. Dean found out, in a few minutes, that Garth and Charlie were roommates, and they seemed to get along pretty well.   
Charlie had said that "besties are annoying as hell," and by that she meant Garth.‏

 

At dinner, Dean was sitting next to Cas and Sam. His mom was in front of him, and he couldn't stop looking at her. He heard everybody talking, happily, about things he didn't recognize. Cas would share a look with him and every time that happened, Dean's inner burned. Sometimes, he would get lost in the blue eyes, and Castiel would stare back into the green. Someone would cough or clear his or her throat and they would get pulled back into the world again.

It was the best dinner Dean could imagine. Not only because the food was delicious- _Jess was a good cook-,_ but also because of the people. He didn't know who to talk to first, he had missed all of them so much… After dinner, he helped cleaning up, and he felt a lump in his throat when he felt his mother's fingers on his shoulder when she gave him a proud smile.

            Someone had put on music, probably Jess. Dean was listening to John and Bobby who were talking about their hunt from yesterday and the day before. They laughed as they sipped from their coffee about how easy it had been and how much they liked hunting together.   
"Next time we're bringing you and Sam," John had nodded at Dean. He didn't remember his father like this, not really, but he preferred this one over the grumpy father he'd grown up with. As he was thinking about this, he suddenly felt soft fingers around his hand.

"Dean come on, _dance with me._ " Cas was pulling him up from the couch and he dragged him to the free space where Jess and Sam were dancing. Dean was hesitant at first, but he quickly lost this awkward feeling when he saw Cas moving on the rhythm. He heard Sam's loud laugh, but only saw the angel in front of him. He didn’t care that the people on the couch were probably looking, talking about them, he just grabbed Castiel's hands and danced with him until the song faded out and the two couples got down on the couch again, Dean's arms around Cas' shoulders, Jess' head on Sam's shoulder. People talked, but Dean grew quiet.  
"Hey, you okay?" Cas whispered.  
"Hm- oh, yeah," his smile was real. He gently put his thumb on Cas' face and wiped away an eyelash. Someone giggled, _probably Jo,_ Ash was groaning "get a room!", but Dean couldn't care less.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope it wasn't too wordy, next chapter(s) won't be that prosy, don't worry (;  
> I also want to thank the two people who know that it's them I'm talking to; I wasn't sure about this chapter but they helped me through, so thanks a lot.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, next chapter, hope you like it and it's not too fluffy/smutty ^^

 

Dean couldn't sleep. His mind was too busy trying to remember everything he had heard at the party. He shifted uncomfortable. He had been awake for more than two hours now but he just couldn't sleep. He let out a sigh and pushed away the sheets. Without waking Cas, he slipped out of bed and walked over to the bathroom, where he grabbed a glass to drink some water. As he looked at himself in the mirror, he wondered what he should do. After he had washed his face he walked back to the bedroom, but he changed his mind in the hall. Instead of going back, he quietly opened the door to the study room. He switched on the light and sank down on the comfortable chair. If I want to know more about this life, I should do some research.

Dean opened the laptop and waited until it had started. No password, one account named 'Dean and Cas'. He smiled when he saw the background; a picture of him, Cas and Darcy. Dean was pressing a kiss on Cas' cheek, who was smiling in the camera, and Darcy was trying to lick Dean's hand. He looked at the background for minutes, and it felt like looking at a stranger's picture. He checked the date. 17th of December. Eventually he opened up the mailbox and it logged in his email address. He scrolled through everything, down and down, until he saw a conversation between him and Mary Winchester, and he immediately clicked on it. He scrolled down to somewhere in the middle and started to read.

> _Dear Dean and Castiel,_
> 
> _So you got back today? How did your hunt go? Sam said you three were a great team. John just hummed when I told him you three finished a hunt, but I am sure he's secretly proud. On the inside. I am proud too, but also happy that you’re home safe. Furthermore there isn’t much to tell you. Maybe that Ash is thinking about a new tattoo again.  
>  I’d be glad to hear from you two soon. _
> 
> _Lots of love,_
> 
> _Mom._

Dean looked at the last four words, tears welling in his eyes. He quickly wiped them away and scrolled up to read the respond.

>  
> 
> _Dear mom (and Mary)_
> 
> _As Sammy said, the hunt went fan-freaking-tastic. That town won’t be bothered with anything that involves ghosts in a very long time. Oh and tell dad I am proud of him too, just to tease him. Cas is very excited because we’re going to finally buy our dog tomorrow! He’s still in the shelter, but he looked better when we went to visit him this morning._
> 
> _He’s got two different eyes and one is exactly Cas’ eye colour, so now I’m totally sure this is gonna be the right dog. We still don’t know a name; we’re thinking about something related to a movie, but we’re still considering. We’ve made a list; just like we’re getting a baby._
> 
> _Anyways, we’ll send you a picture a.s.a.p. when our doggie is home and he isn’t running away from Cas and his camera._
> 
> _  
> Lots of love,_
> 
> _Dean_
> 
> _P.S. Hi Mary, this is Castiel, I just wanted to say that it’s very friendly of you to say my name in your emails and I wanted to say lots of love from me too._
> 
> _Lots of love,_
> 
> _Castiel_

 

Dean angrily wiped away the single tear that slid over his cheek. _Don’t cry, you chick_. He thought to himself. His hands were trembling, the one holding the mouse was sweaty, sticky and warm, but he didn’t care. He read through some more emails, then scrolled up a bit and clicked on an email from _Sam Winchester_ , which was a very short one.

> _Dudes,_
> 
> _Seriously? Darcy? As in Mister Darcy from Pride and Prejudice? I always knew that you two were into that chick-flick stuff._
> 
> _But the picture is cute. “Darcy” seems nice, I want to meet him once. Oh and Jess wants to, too._
> 
> _See ya,_
> 
> _Sam_

It made Dean smile, this small little- so easy mail from his brother. He read some more, mostly it was him teasing Sam, his mom asking how they were doing, stuff like that. As a real family.

Dean ignored the digital clock on the bottom right corner that said 02:26 AM, and he clicked ‘Documents’.  
He sat some closer, but didn’t find something interesting. Then he clicked ‘Images’. There he saw folders that were named dates, some years ago, some a few days ago, all neatly ordered.  
He clicked on one, just chose a random one, and opened the first picture. Dean lying on the couch, eyes closed, the magazine he was reading covering his mouth, chin and neck. Asleep. This picture was probably taken by Cas.  
  
The next few pictures were from a robin in a tree, pretty good pictures actually, some close ups from the bird’s face and then pictures of Dean and Castiel together. Having dinner somewhere, being at the beach, in a forest, at home next to the fireplace…  
Suddenly he felt a hand on his shoulder and he startled and shot his head back. Cas, wearing only boxers, startled because of Dean.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t want to scare you.” He said in a soft, low voice  
  
“No, it’s okay Cassie. What are you doing here?” Dean asked, tearing his gaze away from the angel’s body and looking up at his face.  
  
“Couldn’t sleep and noticed you were gone. Are you-“ he looked at the screen of the laptop, “- looking at old photo’s?” _His smile is to die for,_ Dean thought.  
  
‘Yeah, couldn’t sleep either so… I was bored, y’know.” He shrugged. Cas smiled again and grabbed another chair, sat down and pulled it closer.  
  
“Then I’ll watch with you.” They shared a smile, and for a moment everything was just between the two of them, but the magic disappeared when Cas tore his gaze away. They continued looking at the old photos. Dean was quiet, but Castiel sometimes laughed and said something like “Oh this was fun,” or “You remember this? It was amazing.”  
  
After a few minutes, Dean felt a warm hand on his cold leg. Cas was absently stroking his leg, his eyes still focused on the screen. Dean wasn’t watching anymore, he was looking at Cas in the dark, face illuminated by the laptop’s screen. The angel’s hair was still messy from sleep, stubble a bit darker than normal, but his eyes blue as always. Cas had noticed Dean wasn’t paying attention to the screen anymore and he looked at him, only finding that the hunter was looking at him.  
  
“Aren’t you looking at the pictures anymore?” he asked and raised one eyebrow.

“Sorry,” Dean said with a smile, “I eh- was distracted.” He put his hand on Cas’ fingers that were still stroking Dean’s leg and squeezed them softly. “ _The real is so much better_.”  
  
Cas grinned, bent forward and shut the laptop close. He got on his feet and pulled Dean from the chair as well.  
  
“Come on, let’s go back to bed.” He pulled Dean with him, their fingers intertwined, a little sweaty and warm.  
  
As soon as they were back in the bedroom, Dean pulled Cas close into a warm kiss, because _he had to feel that heat again_ , and as his heart started to change speed, Cas was leaning into him so gladly that Dean moaned into his angel’s kiss.

His eyes fluttered close, hands trailing over the angel’s shoulders and back. He breathed in the lovely smell that characterized Cas and felt his heart speed up. Mouth close to Cas’ ear, he heard the low voice mumbling against his own skin.  
  
“You think you’ll be able to sleep already?”  
  
“I’m afraid not…” he whispered with a smile. His lips gently touched the soft skin, breathing heavily. Cas shuddered against him.  
  
“Well what about if we kill some time, then?” he asked breathlessly. Dean hummed and pushed him to the bed, tumbling on top of him and his mouth had already found Castiel’s again.

The way Cas body was slowly changing under his touch was _hot_ , and Dean wanted to feel every tiny adjustment made by his own hands and mouth. He kissed the angel’s chest, tasting salt and something that didn’t have a name. He’d call it _Castiel_. His hands were on Cas’ hips and Cas bucked them forward and Dean moaned onto his chest.  
  
He slipped two fingers underneath the elastic of Cas’ boxers and began to push it down with a hungry growl.  
  
“Come on Dean, _hurry up-”_ Cas said with a desiring moan.  
  
Dean chuckled and pushed the angel’s boxers off, followed by his own, and nothing was between them anymore. He felt Cas’ erection grow underneath his own while he trailed kisses up his chest, neck and finally mouth. Cas whimpered and pressed his body closer to Dean’s.  
  
“ _Christ, Cas-”_ Dean managed to breathe, “you’re so good…”  
  
“C’mon, touch me, then.” Blue eyes wide and filled with dark lust, surrounded with long and dark lashes that stroke against Dean’s face when he kissed the angel, quickly obeying to his command and circling his hands over the slender body before folding his fingers around Cas’ length.  
  
He stroked gently and Cas’ mouth opened in their kiss, his neck curving and head moving to the side, and Dean eagerly slipped his tongue in Cas’ mouth.  
He flicked it over the hot and wet tongue. Cas whimpered soft sounds into Dean’s mouth, and with his trembling tongue ghosted against Dean’s.  
  
Dean’s fingers were already sticky, but he continued his rhythm with determination. His tongue made patterns on Cas’, and he savored the man’s tooth paste from earlier, and he wondered _how the hell the angel could keep that taste for so long_.  
  
Trembling under Dean’s touches, Castiel stroked his soft fingers over Dean’s chest, his muscles, his back, his hips and then stroked between Dean’s thighs. He was teasing him, stroking closer every time, but never touching Dean's erection, and Dean grumbled impatiently, softly biting Cas’ lip.  
  
“ _Damnit,_ just take it.” He breathed full of eagerness and his own hands gripped Cas harder. Cas finally obeyed, leaving Dean’s legs for what they were and focusing on the man’s throbbing cock and Dean felt the soft fingers playing with him. He pressed his hips down, making their erections touch. He shuddered into the kiss, groaning a “Cas, o my _god…_ ”

The angel wasn’t able to speak, mouth opened slightly, gasping at every stroke of Dean’s hands while still pleasuring his lover with his own fingers.

 _Dean loved._ Their rhythm increased slowly, heat burning between them, sweat dripping from their bodies. Dean’s grip got stronger.  
  
“Shit, Dean, please- yes, that, _do that again, don’t stop-“_ the angel breathed. Dean licked over Cas lips teasingly and tightened his grip again.  
  
Cas’ groan trembled but his fingers were only getting faster. Dean felt the heat in his stomach growing stronger with every touch of Cas, every  move of his gentle fingers.  
  
“Ohh Dean- close… _fuck.”_ Hearing Cas swear was unique, but _so good_. The blue eyes were hidden under the fluttering eyelids, mouth wet and open. Dean stroked just a few more times and as soon as he felt Castiel arching his back, he firmly pressed his lips on Cas' lips and it was the best feeling _ever_ when the man moaned breathlessly in Dean's mouth. His free hand gripped Cas’ hand and hold it in his own, as they came together. He was pressing his cock against Cas’, neither of them broke their kiss, and they shocked against one another, whispering each other's name.

His still shuddering body collapsed on that of Cas. He pressed his head into the man’s neck, breathing in that smell he loved so much. The fingers of his left hand were still intertwined with Cas fingers, arms stretched out, hands lying on the bed.

They lay like that for a few minutes, gaining their normal breathing rhythm back. Dean was mumbling sweet words against the angel’s ear, things like “ _you’re so good, Cas. Hmm, you’re my angel, y’know.”_ And Cas would chuckle, and sometimes it actually sounded more like a giggle.

Eventually Dean lay down next to Cas, a smile across his face.

They were lying like that for a few minutes and still holding hands. Dean would've found it so chick-flick if it hadn't been Cas.  
  
“It’s nearly morning. You tired?” Cas whispered.

“Not really,” Dean said; he noticed he actually wasn’t. Just satisfied.  
  
“Stay here,” Cas said. He rolled over, pecked him on the lips and slowly got up, “I’m back in a second.” He got out of bed and before Dean could wonder where he was going he was already back, holding a notebook and a pencil.  
  
He crawled back onto the soft bed and sat with his back against the footboard.  
  
“What are you doing?” Dean asked and he tried to get up.  
  
“ _Lie calm.”_ Cas commanded with his low voice. “I’m drawing you.”  
  
The pencil flew across the paper, but Cas controlled it with great care. His fingers were determined. The blue eyes looked up at Dean, who hadn’t moved from his lying position.  
  
It was awkward to lie like this, naked, with Cas drawing him. “Move your arm up, put it above your head,” Cas said. He laid his pencil down and bent over Dean, positioning his arm. “Like that, and- _look at me_. Keep looking at me, try not to move.” He sat down again.  
  
His eyes shot from him back to his paper, observing everything from Dean; the way his body curved, how his muscles were stretched, how his eyes were sparkling playfully.  
He sketched at first, outlined Dean’s body. He then started to give it details, created the lines of his muscles and face.  
  
“I love drawing you.” He suddenly said.  
  
“Why?” Dean asked, but he didn’t move. He didn’t even want to move; he could easily look at Cas, naked and still slightly sweaty, and that was all he needed right now.  
  
“Because you’re beautiful.”  
  
Dean felt his cheeks flush a light shade of pink. His smile changed, it got wider, and maybe even a little bit shy _, but Dean Winchester would never be shy,_ _right?_ He shared a glance with Castiel, who bit his lip with a grin and swallowed, putting the pencil on the paper again.  
  
“ _Hold still_.” He whispered.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What did you think? (;


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took me so long to update, but I hope you'll enjoy the next chapter anyway. Warning; fluff :3

It was three days later. Dean was standing in the kitchen, preparing breakfast for him and Cas. He could look through the window and he saw more snow than yesterday, it had snowed that night.

  
He liked the view, but he knew the path to the door had to be cleaned somewhere that day. He flipped the bacon in the frying pan and shove it on the plates next to the toast and eggs.

He put them on the table and started to make coffee. He heard humming coming from the bathroom; he knew Cas was showering and that he was singing. He tried to make up what song it was, but it was too far away.

Despite that he smiled. Cas was a sweetheart. While he poured coffee into the machine he suddenly felt a heavy weight against his leg.

“Good morning to you too, Darcy!” he laughed. He pushed on the button of the machine and then kneeled down to take the happy dog into his arms.  
“Hey buddy, c’mon here, you big fluffy dork.” The dog barked happily and tried to lick Dean’s face. “Yuck, dude! Back off, here- lick my hands if you need something to clean.” He grinned and pushed his hands under the dog’s snout.

Darcy started to lick them. Dean laughed, pulling the dog into a hug. He felt the soft fur against his own just shaved face, and it felt so soft and tickling that he couldn’t hold back another smile before he let go.  
The coffee finished. He grabbed two cups from the cupboard and searched for the milk. He knew exactly how to make the perfect coffee for Castiel. First, add a pinch of milk. Not too much, just a little bit. Then the coffee, and a small amount of sugar. Not in a different order. After that, add a spoon, sprinkle a little bit of cinnamon on top and you’re done. Dean was just precisely adding the cinnamon, when Cas came walking in the kitchen.

“Morning, Dean. Hi there Darcy," he ruffled the dog’s head. Then he was next to Dean, arm curling around the man’s waist, pressing a soft kiss into the man’s cheek. His lips were cold from the shower, and his hair was still wet. He smelled like the soft, gentle shower gel and the fresh, fruity shampoo he always used, and Dean inhaled deeply before returning the kiss with one on Cas’ head.

“Hmm, morning, Cassie. Made you coffee and breakfast.” He smiled and pressed the cup of freshly made coffee into the man’s hands.

“Thanks, Dean,” Cas smiled and made his way to the kitchen table together with one plate.

As he sat down and Dean was still making his own coffee, he heard the soft voice of the angel singing the same song as in the showers. He was quiet, trying to listen.

“…Take away, take away my eyes. Sometimes I’d rather be blind. Break a heart, break a heart of stone. Open it up, but don’t you leave it alone.” The lyrics somehow touched Dean, even though he didn’t know them. Cas sang on when Dean sat down opposite him. Cas stopped singing and smiled at Dean.

“What song is that?” he asked.

“It’s I never cry. Alice Cooper, you know that. You’ve heard me sing it more.”

Dean quickly nodded.

“Yeah sorry I sometimes- forget.” He shrugged. Cas smiled again and folded his hands to pray before his breakfast. He always did, and Dean thought it was very cute.  
So he always watched at Castiel as he prayed, mouth sometimes moving slightly, eyes closed, hands clasped together. He didn’t care if Cas took long, he could wait for his food if Castiel wanted to.  
As soon as he was finished, he looked up at Dean, smiled, and they started to eat.   
  
Dean told Cas they had to get the path cleaned up and that he was gonna do that today. After breakfast Dean put on gloves, his coat, his scarf and cap, and then left outside. Darcy joined him, barking at the snowflakes that were falling down from the grey sky again. Dean tried to look up, but snow fell in his eyes.

He searched for the shovel, which he found at the back of the house, and he began to remove the snow from the path. He liked doing this, even though he had to make Darcy watch his paws because the dog was constantly jumping around him.

The path wasn’t huge, but it did have a lot of snow, and it took him a long time to only even clean up a half. Snow was still falling, and the part he had just cleaned was already decorated with a small layer of soft white, but he just let it. It was okay like this.

He had pulled his collar up, scarf wrapped around the bottom of his face, so there wouldn’t get too much snow inside his mouth or nose. Because of that his ears were covered, he didn’t hear Castiel opening the front door and stepping out, also because his back was turned to there.

But he did notice it a few moments later, when suddenly a big something hit him on the shoulder. He turned around, looking for where it had come from, and he saw Cas with his coat and scarf – still refusing to wear anything on his head- and in his gloved hands lay a ball of snow. When Dean looked around Cas threw it and it hit Dean against his chest. The snow fell apart on the fabric.

“Hey!” Dean said, fake-offended, but he smiled when he saw the playful look in Cas’ eyes. “Doing an honorable job here, sir.” He pulled down the scarf a bit.

He turned his back to Cas again and shove more snow away. Within a minute he felt another snowball hitting him against his collar in his neck. He tried to ignore it, but he couldn’t help but smile against the fabric of the scarf, as he heard Castiel chuckle.

A few seconds later a third ball of snow hit his arm. He acted like he ignored it, but then he let go of the shovel, dove down, grabbed a full hand of snow and quickly created a ball between his fingers.  
He hit Cas against his chest, and the man laughed loudly, brushing the snow off while he was already creating another ball. Dean wasn’t waiting for him; he threw a second, into Cas’ fluffy hair, and he made a sound as if he was hurt deeply, but then he threw a snowball right into Deans face. Even though his mouth was partly covered he got the snow everywhere.

“Cas you asshole!” He yelled, brushing the snow from his red cheeks. He hurried over to the man, shovel forgotten, and pushed him into the snow.

He fell on top of him, panting into the cold air, hands pinning Castiel down in the snow. The laughed and Cas tried to get him of, but Dean in this position was way stronger.  He kept him to the ground and pressed some more snow into the man’s hair.

“Not fair!” Castiel said and tried to get Dean off again. They romped for a bit and Castiel eventually got Dean into the snow, but Dean grabbed his shoulders and rolled over again. This way they totally forgot that Dean had been cleaning the path, or the fact that nearly every single part of their body was soaked, cold and covered in snow.

“Trying to win from me, angel?” he asked, panting while looking down at Cas.

“I wouldn’t dare to. Would make you all sad, would crush your ego.” He grabbed the back of Dean’s neck and pushed him just a bit closer so their lips touched. It surprised Dean for a second but he leant into it after that. Castiel’s lips were ice cold, as well as his hand that was now on Dean’s cheek. The angel opened his mouth. The contrast between the sharp, chapped and cold outside and the soft and hot inside his mouth was amazing, and Dean enjoyed every second.

“Freezing,” Cas mumbled when they broke apart for some air, “c-cold.”

Dean saw the slightly blue around the man’s soft and wet lips and nodded.

“Lemme take you inside.” He got on his feet and then he noticed how soaked he was. His jeans were sticking to his legs and it was freezing, his scarf, cap and gloves were sticky, cold and wet, and he barely felt his face. He pulled Cas up but didn’t make him stand. He grabbed him under his armpits and scooped the other under his knees.

“Dean I can walk-”

“I don’t care.” That’s how he carried his angel inside. Darcy followed them, and Dean carried Castiel to the spacious bathroom.

“How about a steamy, hot shower, to warm up, hm?” Dean gently put Cas down, took his cold cheeks between his own hands and looked into his blue eyes.

“Only if you’re joining.” He took off Dean’s scarf, coat, then slowly got him dressed down to only his jeans. Dean was shivering, chest rising quickly. He stepped into the shower and put on the water. Then stepped out to help Cas get his clothes off. He also grabbed two towels before pulling off his own soaked, ice cold jeans and that took some time.

As soon as they were both naked, Cas’ hand took Dean’s and pulled him into the shower. The hot water on their skin made them hiss, and a shiver ran through the both of them. They stood in the jets of the water, close to each other.

“Way better.” Cas said and pressed a kiss against the skin on Dean’s shoulder. He pulled himself close to Dean. They let the cold wash away while standing there in a hug, wet skin against wet skin, and Dean’s lips pressed little kisses into Castiel’s black hair. The water and the steam around them were warming them, together with each other’s body. They shared a few more long, slow kisses, stayed like that for a few minutes, before they eventually got out and wrapped each other into the towels. Dean enjoyed looking at the angel with his hair flat around his face.

“What are you staring at?” Cas chuckled when he noticed Dean looking. He walked to the bedroom and Dean followed him.

“You.” He answered with a lopsided grin. Cas chuckled. When he was in the bedroom, Cas dropped the towel on the floor. His naked body arched as he stretched, and Dean’s eyes trailed along his perfectly shaped back, down to his ass, and his long and slender legs. _God, he was perfect_. Cas felt Dean watching him. That’s why he took his time walking to the closet to find some clothes.

Dean dropped his own towel next to the other one and walked over to Cas. He gently pressed his lips down the angel’s neck, and Cas’ head moved to the side, sighing with pleasure.

“What about a- movie, hm… Dean?” he asked, grabbing a pair of boxers from the closet.  He put it on, head turned to Dean.

“Sounds good. What movie?” He grabbed a pair of boxers as well and put it on. He knew where Cas’ eyes were focused on and it made his smile even bigger.

“Well we haven’t watched it for a few weeks. Was kinda wondering why you hadn’t been asking about it yet, because it’s a favourite- even though I am the only one who knows you can’t refuse it.” He handed Dean a pair of soft, grey sweatpants and grabbed a sweater for himself. It was way too big for him, obviously Dean’s sweater, but he seemed to be used to wearing it and Dean didn’t complain at all.

“I don’t think I’m following,” he said, meaning the movie Cas was implying.

“Oh you’re a tease. You even named your dog after it.”

Dean opened his mouth, frowned, bit his lip and sighed. He knew now. A typical chick flick movie he actually had to hate, but it has always been his weakness.

“Because you ask so nicely.”

 

Maybe he had to be tough, or act like he disliked this, maybe change his position or get more masculine, but he didn’t.

He was wrapped up in a huge blanket, hands folded around a cup of hot chocolate, on the couch, Pride and Prejudice peacefully playing on the TV, and the good thing was Castiel was wrapped in the same blanket as Dean, lying against Dean’s chest and shoulders, softly sipping his cocoa, watching the movie.

 _This was like you saw it on the commercials, but then with a man and a woman_ , Dean thought. But he preferred Cas.

“I think Darcy is like the opposite of Mr. Darcy, to be honest.” Cas said and the dog that was lying on the floor raised his ears by the sound of his name.

“We should’ve called him Bingley.” Dean chuckled. “They’re more alike.”

Cas hummed in agreement. “Maybe we can buy a grumpy dog and call him Bingley.” Dean grinned into his drink.

“Or a ginger cat.” Castiel turned his face towards Dean and smiled widely. “That would be fun.”

“Would Darcy be okay with that? Maybe he gets jelly of the new baby.”

“Oh no I am sure they will be best of friends. Just like them.” Cas nodded at the TV where mister Darcy and mister Bingley were talking to each other.

Dean felt, as the movie continued, Cas getting closer to him, and they shared a few words, and they would even quote small lines from the movie they both knew. It didn’t even bother Dean that this was a typical chick-flick movie. Cas was now lying against him, back against Dean’s chest, Dean’s arm loosely hanging over Cas’ hip, around the front of his waist.

They stayed like that until the movie ended, and when the screen turned black, at first they didn’t move. When Dean’s eyes took a glance out of the window he saw that it was already dark outside.

“Time flies.” He whispered against Cas’ ear. He got a smile in return, then a kiss. He pulled him closer.

The blanket was entangled between and around their bodies. They laughed, trying to get out of it. Suddenly Darcy was standing next to the couch, barking and with a waggling tail.

He enjoyed the hassle of Dean and Cas and he tried to play along.

“NO, Darcy- get off! Shut up, don’t bite the blank-“ Cas laughed while pushing the dog away, but the pet was way too active to calm down. “I guess I gotta walk him,” Cas said looking down at Dean. “You make dinner. I walk Darcy. Deal?” Dean grinned and pecked his lips.

“Deal.”

As soon as they were entangled from the blanket, Cas grabbed a warm coat and boots and went out the door for a quick walk with Darcy.

Dean made them some easy but delicious pasta, humming a Beatles song while doing so.

He was just done when Cas hurried back in with a snowy Darcy, saying something about “nearly tripped over the shovel”, but he eased when he saw the food Dean had made.

They ate on the couch, Dean’s feet resting on Cas’ lap, two beers on the table in front of them. And Dean had never felt so good. And yes, he knew that this... With Cas, together, it- it wasn't right to love this. Because he knew that it wasn't real and it'd never be. 

  
  



	5. Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's been like ages, and I wasn't really planning on finishing this. But people asked me to and I couldn't let it stop right here. I'm working on something different and I got to say that I'm not really proud or something, but well, here's the unexpected new chapter.

Dean was still lazily rolling around in his bed, trying to keep anything from Cas’ warmth, slowly drifting from him after Cas had get out of bed. He was back in just a few minutes, holding two big mugs with tasty coffee. After he’d gone back to bed, Dean had sat up and Cas crawled close to him.  
“Dean, it’s been freezing for a few nights on row now so I was thinking-” Cas sipped his caffeine, “we could go ice skating today. At the lake, the ice will be perfect.” Cas’ eyes were sparkling, voice begging and excited.

“Sure, why not?” He said with a smile. Cas pecked him on his lips. It made him warmer than the coffee could make him, knowing that he made Castiel happy like this.

They got prepared, putting on warm clothes and looking up their skates. Castiel was impatient. He kept on asking Dean if he was ready, while the hunter was still searching for his gloves. As soon as he found them they finally got into the Impala to go to the lake. Darcy barked loudly and tried to get in too. Dean and Cas shared a look.

“Shall we take him?” Dean asked. He didn’t want Darcy to slip and break one of his legs, or worse.

“We can, if he thinks it’s too dangerous... he will just play in the snow.” Cas said and opened the back door to let Darcy in. The dog barked again, lying down on the blanket that was draped over the backseat. They drove slowly, careful because of the snow, Cas smiling in excitement.

 

When they arrived at the lake ten minutes later, they saw a few people already skating around. Elder couples, children slithering around while anxiously holding onto their parent’s hands, some people on their own.

Darcy sniffed as he jumped out of the car, his ears twisting around, snout pushed into the snow.

Dean helped Cas with their skates and they made their way to the lake. Darcy pushed his face against Dean’s free hand with snow on top of his black nose. Cas giggled when he saw it and ruffled the dog’s head, his hand touching Dean’s. Their eyes met. Just like every time Dean looked into those blue eyes, something in his stomach twisted. People always say that being in love will slowly fade into loving, but this shock, this warm burst of energy he got from Cas would never ever fade.  
“We can put our stuff here!” Cas said and sat down on a small bench. He pushed out his shoes and excitedly started to put on his skates. Dean looked at him for a moment with a small smile spread on his lips, then sat down next to him. Cas’ flushed cheeks from the cold, that smile. Cas was already finished while Dean was still messing around with his laces.

“Oh come on, Dean.” Cas grumbled and knelt down. He pushed Dean’s fingers away and started to tie the thick laces. He looked up at Dean, smiling playfully.

“I can’t even tie my own laces- I’ll never be able to skate.” Dean scoffed.

“Don’t worry- I’ll teach you. It’s easy enough.” Cas pulled Dean up, and they made their way shuffling through the snow. As soon as Cas’ feet touched the ice, he glissaded backwards and let go of Dean, who nearly lost his balance. He yelped, a sound higher than he wanted. Cas was back in a second, wrapped his arms firmly around Dean’s waist and held him close. “Hey there, watch out baby.” he breathed and pushed him up. “Okay, I need to teach you.”

 

It was as if Castiel was one with the ice, gracefully gliding around, his feet landing just right, perfectly in balance. Dean felt like a clumsy, ungainly peasant. He hadn’t got a clue on how to control his muscled, heavy body and envied Cas’ slender legs and slab-sided hips. But Cas led, had patience, he was a good teacher. Dean eventually picked it up, and after half an hour he was skating without having to grab Cas’ shoulders anymore. Cas was faster than Dean, gyrating around, laughing, cheeks flushed pink. The smile on Cas’ face was worth every bruise Dean got from falling on the ice, his ice cold face, his numb hands, his aching feet.

“Dean, c’me here!” Cas said and opened his arms widely. Dean smiled and made his way to Cas. Without falling he reached him and Cas grabbed his hand. They glided around on the ice and Dean began to love the sound of their skates on the hard ice. Swoosh. Swoosh. Swoosh.

Darcy hadn’t tried to get on the ice and was peacefully lying next to their stuff on the bench. After skating more than an hour, Dean joined him, chest heaving, warming himself with the thick fur of Darcy.

Cas was still skating around, faster and faster, circling around, even making small jumps. Dean watched him, face red but happy.

He had already changed his skates for his shoes when Cas finally joined him and Darcy on the bench. He was panting slightly and Dean helped him with the skates. They hurried back to the car, Darcy was thankful for the warmth of the car and the blanket.

Dean suddenly realised that, back there, he would never let a dog lie in his car, his baby. But Darcy, he was his as well, he loved Darcy, and he didn’t mind the dog slopping snow and mud on the seats.

“Dean?” Cas asked. Dean started the car but turned his face.

“Hmm?”

“Thank you.” Before Dean drove off, Cas leant in and kissed him, their lips cold and sensitive.

“No problem. It was great.” He hummed.

“Repeat it tomorrow?” Cas smiled and Dean answered the smile with a grin.

“As long as there’s ice.”

They went back, the next day. Now Dean was used to skating they could go on longer, but he also liked to sit and watch Castiel getting lost into his moves. He’d be gone, his mind somewhere far away. After a few minutes, Cas would search for Dean, his eyes scanning the lake, and when he found him, the blue lit up, beckoned him with his hand and a big smile. That feeling, to glide over the ice with Cas’ warm breath close against his neck, it was fantastic. They got back after a few hours to warm up with some drinks, promising they’d come back tomorrow.

 

“Sweetheart, could you move your arm to there- yes like that. Thanks,” Cas drew a few lines on the paper he was holding. He sketched, eyes changing from the paper to Dean. He was smudging out the shadows and lines that were too hard, drew them over, erased small mistakes. He was a great artist, Dean knew, with a very unique but beautiful style. Cas loved to draw Dean. His sketchbook was filled with sketches of him. Lying down, sitting at the table, standing in the kitchen or a close up from his face that Cas had probably got from pictures.

Now Dean was lying comfortably on the couch, stretched out. It always felt a little weird to lay still, but on the other hand- he could look at Cas who was in total concentration with that cute frown he did whenever he made a mistake. Sometimes the tip of his tongue hung out of his mouth when he carefully drew a line, or it flicked over his dry lips. Dean was nothing close to a great artist, but in his head he outlined Cas’ face with care. He noticed every detail and drew them in his memory like Cas drew, concentrated and measured.

After more than half an hour, Cas put down the sketchbook. Dean wanted to see it so he got up to reach for it, but Cas took it away.

“No, I want you to see it as soon as it’s finished. It’s not, yet.” Cas walked over to Dean and bend over him. Their lips met and Dean eagerly leaned in, pulling Cas on top of him.

“I’m sure it’s already beautiful,” Dean said against Cas’ lips, “can’t I see it now?”

Cas mumbled a “no,” and cut Dean’s reply off by flicking his tongue over the man’s lips and pushing them apart. Dean groaned into the man’s mouth.

“We should have dinner,” he whispered, but his hands wandered off to Cas’ jeans, “but dinner can wait.”

 

Cas was asleep. His chest was rising up and down in a slow pace. Dean looked at him, close and comfortable under the same sheets. He had a little plan, a small surprise for Cas. He was sure he was going love it, but it still felt bad to wake him from this state of rest. Despite this, Dean began to press soft kisses on Cas’ neck, whispering his name against the skin under his ear.

“Cas, wake up- hey, Cas…” His hands found the man’s hair and he pressed a soft but long kiss on the slightly parted lips. Cas mumbled against Dean’s mouth, tried to turn around.   
“W’zzup, babe…” he muttered. Dean pulled him closer with one arm.   
“I have an amazing idea and you need to wake up for it.” Dean smiled as he stroked Cas’ hair.

“...’s better than sleepin’?”

“Much better than sleeping. C’mon, I am sure you’ll love it. Please, Cas,” he begged between two kisses, “for me?”

“...Can hear puppy eyes…” Cas sighed but he slowly stretched and opened his eyes. Dean smiled and got up. Cas slowly stretched out his arms and legs, yawning with a soft groan. “If it’s terrible I’m g’nna kill you.” his low gravelly voice grumbled.

“You won’t. Now hurry up and get dressed. Warm.”

 

Ten minutes later Cas walked into the living room, dressed. He looked more awake, even though his hair was still adorably ruffled and a confused frown graced his forehead.   
“Dean what do you want to-” He didn’t finish his sentence, but Dean held up their two pairs of skates as an answer. Cas’ eyes grew wide and the shimmering made the scowl disappear.

“You mean-”

Dean nodded excitedly and he got up.

“Dean-” Cas began a “thank you” but Dean ignored it and grabbed the keys of the Impala.

The sound of the engine in the dark night was soothing, calming. He felt Cas’ excitement and saw it in his eyes if he shared a look with him. They stopped at the lake they knew so well, close to their favourite bench.   
They’d let Darcy at home this time. Dean and Cas stepped into the cold air, holding their skates as they walked to the bench.  
“It’s so beautiful here when it’s quiet and dark.” Cas whispered. He looked up to the sky and Dean did too. Stars were shimmering shyly as a contrast against the bright moon. Dean focused on his laces again, but he wasn’t that fast in the dark. Cas was done, he saw, and he stood up to wait for Dean.

“You can go already,” Dean said to him with a smile, “I will have to teach myself how to tie my laces once, you know.”

Cas smiled and shuffled to the lake. Swoosh. His skate flawlessly slid over the ice. He made long strokes with his legs, then forward, then smoothly turning around and carelessly gliding backwards. Dean caught himself staring and forgetting his laces. When Cas grinned and turned around, Dean realised, finished his laces quickly and made his way to the ice. He was still a little unbalanced in the beginning. But then there were Cas’ arms around him, pulling him into the circles Cas was skating. Dean soon found it back, the position of his body, his legs, the rhythm. It was totally quiet around them. Peaceful.   
“Dean this is amazing!” Cas gasped softly, gliding away from him.

“Better than sleeping, right?” Dean asked and tried to get to Cas, but he wasn’t fast enough.   
“Much better,” Cas said and he skated away from Dean. Dean tried to catch him, but didn’t succeed. Finally he gave up, cheeks flushed with pink chill. Cas laughed softly into the dark night, got slower and waited for Dean. As soon as he got close, Cas took his gloved hand and pulled him tight.

“I love this,” he smiled, nose touching nose, “and I love you, too.”

“I love this and you too, Cas.” Dean smiled. Cas kissed him with a grin. Their tongues touched. Warm breath set off against the cold winter night.

They stood like that for a while, eventually broke apart. With their fingers still intertwined they glided over the ice. It was nearly bewitching, with the darkness around them filling the emptiness, Cas’ fascinated glance in his eyes when it started to snow. He sighed with felicity. His hand let go of Dean’s and he started to circle around the hunter, with big, elegant movements of his legs. He jumped and made a turn in air, landed on one leg.

“You look like a figure skating champion,” Dean chuckled.

“And you look like a polar bear on roller skates.” Cas glided from behind Dean. He twisted around him, grabbed his hands and started to slide around, face to face with Dean.

Dean wanted to say something back but that huge grin and bright blue eyes got him distracted. His hands gripped tighter on those of Cas and they went faster, circling around each other.

“We can do figure skating performances tomorrow for Sam and Jess.” Cas chuckled cheerfully.

“I can lift you,” a lopsided smile appeared on Dean’s face. Cas made them go faster, Dean focused on the face in front of him while everything around them went blurry by their speed. They laughed out loud, holding each other’s hands tight, arms stretched, body leaning backwards. They went faster and Dean chuckled happily, Cas opened his mouth to say something- And Dean fell.

 

"Dean!" he heard. His head. He groaned and gently stroked his forehead. "Dean, hey! Hey hey, stay with me."

"C…Cas?" His eyes were so heavy, he couldn’t open them yet. That throbbing, painful pounding against his skull, as if his head was going to explode...

"DEAN!" Was repeated. "Come on-" the voice breathed, "open those eyes, please, come back to me, De."

That voice… He wanted to open his eyes, get up, get to that voice- but drifted off into the dark, black nothing that would surround him. "No, no-no, stay with me!" I will stay...

His eyes opened widely. In one move, he sat up and gasped to get air in his lungs. He immediately noticed that something had changed. It was still dark, but not cold. No ice underneath him or moon and stars above. He wasn’t wearing his skates anymore. There was no snow, the air wasn’t fresh from winter, but dusty, dirty. Thick, hot air was filling his lungs with every hissing gasp he took. Coughs interrupted his short, painful breath, sweat beaded over his body and something else was sticking on his skin.

"D-Dean, lord, Dean, hey, are you- are you with me?” The same, trembling voice asked.

"S-Sammy?" He saw his brother, his desperate face covered with dirt and- blood?

"Yes, Dean, it's me.”

Sammy… what was his brother doing here? Where was Cas? Who took him here?

“My god I—I- th…thought…" Sam grabbed him with his strong arms and pulled Dean close against his tall, shivering body. He felt Sam shaking as he buried his face into his brother's shoulder. "I- I thought...you were dead."

He suddenly realised- He was back. He was sure, the pain only came with real life. But… no. He didn’t want to believe it. Maybe it was a dream, maybe his head had hit the ice so badly that he was hallucinating.

The Djinn. He slowly began to fall apart, piece by piece.

"No-" he breathed. "No, please, please!" he coughed his words against Sam’s shirt, voice raw and rasping, grabbing his brother even closer. "Get me back, Sammy…” he pleaded, “gemme back-"

He didn't want to be here, he wanted to be with Cas, where Sam and Jess were happy, where his parents and Bobby were still alive. But here he was, covered in sweat and blood and pain, with a heavily breathing, sobbing, broken Sam.

"It's okay Dean,” his brother hushed, “-the Djinn, I- I finally killed the Djinn. You're back, thank g-god… You’re back-" He felt Sam crying.

It wasn’t just a soft cry, it ruled the entire body, controlled it, constantly trembling and shaking. And Dean didn’t want to feel this pain, he refused to. But Sam wasn’t going to let Dean go.

"Sammy..." Dean whimpered. "Please, I don't-"

"Dean. It was fake. I don't- know how it was," Sam's voice was interrupted by sobs, "but- I couldn't let you die here... I had to save you, Dean. I had to, sorry- I'm so sorry." Dean looked at his brother.

"Me too, Sammy-" he said and swallowed. He held back the urge to burst into tears. "I’m sorry too."

 

Sam brought Dean back to the hotel room. The elder brother didn't respond to anything. Didn't answer Sam's questions. His eyes were wide and moist, his body was shaky. His mind was one big, blank page he was angrily ripping into thousands of little pieces . He was in denial, this couldn't be true, it had been so good, and everything had been exactly how it had to be. And now, nothing was left. It all came back to him, how life had been before.

He hissed through his teeth as Sam was helping him up the stairs. Dean noticed his own body was sweaty and dirty from all the dust and blood that covered him as thick as the layer of pain.

"Come on, Dean, we're nearly there." Sam whispered. His little brother's voice was shaking from emotion and endeavour. "Nearly…- there."

"Sammy…" Dean breathed. "I’m so sorry for you..." He was sorry, because Sam had been so happy, and his life had been just as good as Dean's, and he was sorry because Dean had nearly been dead, sorry for how it must have felt to be left alone without his brother.

"It's okay, Dean, all good now…" Sam muttered.

But it wasn’t.

They stumbled into the motel room. Everything was dark again, but Sam put on the lights. The room was a huge mess. Papers were scattered all over the floor, the beds, the table, beer bottles randomly thrown around the room. Sam had probably thrown a glass filled with some liquid against the wall, because the broken pieces were still lying there, empty on the floor. Sam hastily swept the papers from the nearest bed and let Dean sank down on it. He closed his eyes, breathed out a groan and bit his lip just so he wouldn't cry.

Dean heard Sam walk around the room, probably mustering all the scattered documents, and he heard him sniffing. That small sound hurt him deep, made him realise how self-centred he had been.

His perfect world had been Sam's worst, darkest nightmare.

He wanted to tell his younger brother that he was sorry, again, but he couldn't open his mouth. The silence between them was long. Painful. Dean was still on the bed, not able to hold back the grief in which he was drowning, that came engulfing him with enormous waves of realisation.

"Dean, you need to get cleaned up." Sam muttered softly. Dean only opened his eyes, he didn't move, didn't say anything. Right now, he didn't care that he was dirty, that his clothes were torn. All he could think about was how good it had been. And then, he remembered that they hadn't seen Cas in months. The pain peaked at that moment, when he realised that he had no idea where Castiel was, and that everything had been a lie, all the things Cas had said that showed how much he loved Dean, the way their lives had been twisted together and that the angel had been in love with him. Fake. Postiche. Gone. Sam's broken voice was trembling when he spoke again, barely audible. "Dean... please."

 

 


End file.
